Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Today it struck me like a rock. My life has become silly again; After decades of trying hard to be smart and driven, to be focused and happy to multi-task, after wanting to be taken serious and take what I can get, I'm back to speaking slowly in simple sentences made up with lots of expression out loud in front of everyone - and I don't care on bit.
I direct my utterances toward my son, who seems to be appreciative of everything I say, and especially things I say with a lot of loud sound effects. He loves a good whew! Yehaa! or oh-oh, complete with eye-roll, and, I like to think, he understands everything I say.
The rock hit me while we had lunch. Instead of eating it, where I would have chosen to eat it - the table in the kitchen, Gus decided that we should invite his favorite "toy" to share it with us - the lawnmower. You see, Gus, loves the lawnmower. He's been happy to stand by it and hold on to it and talk to it. He cooes to it and sings for it, he lovingly strokes it's many surfaces and pushes levers and buttons. He is sad when Daddy parks it in the barn.
So today we ate our lunch, sitting in the grass, next to the lawnmower, with Gus singing, chewing and emceeing the conversation between me and the lawnmower. It was the best rice and beans and juicey plum picnic I've ever had. Life is silly again. I've been handed another chance at childhood, and I'm so grateful for it.