Sunday, March 8, 2009

Our 12 steps to true love

...note that I'm not saying to a happy marriage, happy in my mind is highly overrated and worse yet, not well defined in the American culture. Marriage is just the legal form of true love and true love isn't happy all the time. Personally, I strive for contentment, for joyousness, for a laugh here and there, but also for a no-nonsense partnership and just simply another set of eyes, brains and hands. Jacob and I work hard to keep it real every day.
The reason I'm vowing you all with my 12 steps to true love is that our sweet little cousin, Sara Virginia is getting ready to get hitched to handsome Will in April.

Yesterday was her bridal shower - I hosted!!! - and we're all to come up with a wish, a prayer or a piece of advice for her. Since I've been married for all ages (3 years in a little more than a month!) I feel well seasoned to impart all the wisdom, Jacob and I have gathered along the way:

One - Keep love in your heart, each other in your mind and God in your heart

Two - Go to bed angry, you want to be well rested to settle the argument in the morning!

Three - Don't call it compromise, and feel defeated, square your shoulders and call it an adventure instead.

Four - When it gets tense, take a deep breath and avoid sentences starting with "you always..."

Five - Apologize. Immediately, sincerely and without qualifications. It's what smart married people do.
Six - Do something together. It seems so simple, but it often gets sacrified first.

Seven - Never, ever, ever spend more than $50 without accounting to each other!

Eight - Go for a drive, make a bonfire, or take a walk; good conversation always follows.

Nine - Give each other room for sole pursuits and passions. Two is a crowd to some.

Ten - Don't be nosy, be interested, even if you could care less.

Eleven - Remember who has your back when things get crappy and let a little gripe go.

Twelve - Love is not static, it changes with the weather, the years, the moods, the circumstances; value it in all its shades, forms and ways.

Bonus - "Love is as much how you feel, as it is what you do." (I heard that last piece on NPR this weekend and I thought it very appropriate for this occasion.)
I wish you wedded bliss, Sara

1 comment:

The Wanderers' Daughter said...

My favorites are # 3 (that's a wonderful attitude. The power of "creating your own adventure" is vastly underestimated)

and #5. Another excellent point. We all know in our heart when we're being unreasonable, and it's so important to show enough respect for a life partner to own up and apologize, quickly and sincerely.