Some people remember the last thing they did before they got married (my sister-in-law has a good story... it involves a bodily function) but I don't have any clear recollection of what occupied me moments before I walked down the aisle...I'm sure it involved some sneaky ploy to get another can of Cherry Coke, but I was mostly excited to get down that aisle...
Pregnancy is different for me though...I grapple with this "any day now" concept, passing through days and nights with my mind constantly sorting things into "before" and "after"...
Last week it was a motorcycle ride with Jacob that got me all sappy-blue - who knows when we'll be able to do that again? and the other day I got almost teary-eyed over the thought of never reading a newspaper front-to-back in one sitting - never mind that I haven't read a newspaper that way in a long time (I'm mostly online for my news gathering) still there is a bit of sadness as I pass through my last precious days of being responsible for no one but myself...the refrain in my head alternates between "thing of the past" or "you'll never do that like that again" as I move through every-day activities...
Having a baby changes everything - I just can't imagine yet how...
So it was a lovely surprise when Saturday came my way and shaped itself into a sweet farewell day to pre-motherhood...I didn't plan it (surprise, I'm ususally a diligent plotter to a fault) it just sort of happenend.
Jacob had to work (he is the hardest working almost-dad around) and I found myself aimlessly wandering through our new home realizing all my possibilities in the absence of a to-do list. So I started my day sitting in our skychair on the porch enjoying the cool morning, eating my oatmeal and drinking my coffee...while NPR reved up into my favorite lineup of programs...then I started two crafts project simultaniously...one involving crocheting, one sewing...both I hoped would eventually turn out well enough to be worthy gifts for two good friends...
I sewed inside and when it got too hot or too complicated took a break and sat on the porch with my crocheting project...the entire time I listened to "car talk" "all things considered" and my favorite "wait, wait don't tell me"...I made Jacob lunch when he got home and then repeated the entire thing again in the afternoon, switching to a book on tape for audio-entertainment...
Both projects came out as I envisioned them. Both will be fun to give, both made me appreciate that despite not being artistically inclined, I have talents for crafts and it gives me satisfaction to think through a creative process and find problem-solving steps...
The day got capped with dinner, church and then we went to a dance-birthdayparty in the American Legion Hall - Jacob said it reminded him way too much of "too many junior-high school dances" but I adored the exhuberant dancers, the streamers from the ceiling and having top-of-lung bellowed conversations with friends over bad 80s music...
It was the perfect day to say good-bye to "just womanhood" I'm ready - well, as ready as you can be for something and someone you don't know - and I am excited to be a mother and still do things - just differently.
Jacob keeps telling me that we will just "drag him along" to whatever we do now...I'm not so sure but I do like the idea of trying to keep some of the beloved elements in our lives - and it is my hope that a baby will make them either pale into oblivion or will enhance them as we get to see it all over again through his eyes ...
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